I did something dangerous today.
I decided to look at my old blog.
If you don’t keep a diary/journal/blog, you’re missing out on some great future laughs. Sometimes you’ll look back on something you did and forgot about, and just think: Really?
Remember the person you were in 2010? You might laugh. It seems so recent, right? How much could you have changed since then?
My guess is a lot.
The blog I found was one of the bleakest, most depressing things I’ve read in recent memory. Good Lord. I really love life, and it feels like it’s always been that way.
Not exactly. A couple posts made me cringe.
I wrote about how nothing gold can stay, the people I cared about didn’t care about me and how reality will never be good enough. Here was my thought process on Christmas 2010:
“So it’s Christmas. The day everyone gets tons of gifts and pretends to be ‘thankful.’ Fuck all of you.”
Whoa. Who thinks like that? Who says that?
Apparently the 2010 version of me.
I also wrote about how I wasn’t good at anything. I didn’t think I had any talent. I penned to myself: “How can you expect anyone else to like you when you hate yourself?”
Yikes. Another bomb.
I don’t remember ever being such a negative person, but obviously I was. A few bad things had piled up (struggling with not going to school, a serious car accident and getting thrown away by a girl), but I don’t understand how I ever thought like that. My outlook couldn’t be more different as of July 3, 2012.
If I had to pick one thing that changed, it’d be my entry into journalism. I joined the school paper and met someone who is one of my good friends today, Matt Parrino, my Senior Sports Editor. After about a month, he became my big brother and took me under his wing. Any success I’ve had to date in journalism is because of Matt.
It’s my passion. It’s something I really love. My life was headed so quickly and so far downhill before I joined the newspaper.
Here’s a question: If you’re mad at the world, are you doing what you love? If the answer is ‘no,’ why the hell not?
Go do it! It’ll change everything.
God had His hand on my life the entire time. I think about all the times I could have died or been arrested or gotten in serious trouble, and I can do nothing but breathe deep and thank Him for taking care of me. For letting me go through those dark days and bringing me to today.
Tonight, as Andrew and I were driving home from our basketball game, we were groaning about our many injuries. He and I are going on 23 and 21, respectively, but we could barely move our legs. It was a pretty comical sight.
“We’re such old men,” he laughed.
I instantly thought about the blog and smiled.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11