I was 18. Broke out all the stops. Made myself look like a fool. She resisted. Thought about her 24/7. Wrote her a short book. (Yup, that happened.) All day, every day, all Jordan.
Then I got her. Didn’t want her anymore.
(“Jordan” is a pseudonym — sorry to the countless now-heartbroken Jordan’s.)
The thrill of the chase. All guys know it. All are prone to it.
I was on my back porch talking with Andrew this weekend when we deciphered that his latest relationship was a fitting example of a guy being consumed with the thrill of the chase. He was upset. “I thought I was above that,” he sighed.
I let out a hearty laugh. “No guy is above it.”
So what is it exactly? Well, the thrill of the chase is all about getting a girl who seems unreachable. Maybe she’s out of your league, or too mature, or she doesn’t date. “Nah, man, you can’t get her.”
When a guy sees how hard it is to get a girl (this could be vice-versa as well, but I’ve never exactly been a girl and I don’t see as many examples of girls chasing guys), he must have her. It’s a proven fact that the harder she is to get, the hotter she is. (That’s not really a proven fact.)
He’ll think about her all day. He’ll do the craziest things to get her — buy flowers, hand-write long letters, sing to her.
And then, suddenly, he gets her. It’s kind of shocking. For a little while, it’s awesome. And then, again suddenly, he’s sick of it. There’s no work left to do.
So he drops her until he finds the next girl to chase. The more she rejects, the more he yearns.
Of course, there are rare exceptions. There are times the guy doesn’t actually get sick of the girl and continually works for her affection long after he’s received it. That’s called love, I guess.
Anyway, let’s debunk this whole thing. There’s no sense pretending it doesn’t exist because, really, it does.
It all begins with the desire to be accepted. When you see somebody who you find appealing, you want that person to find you mutually appealing (be this friendship, romance, what have you). You want him/her to respect you.
You work to be respected — it’s like any competitive career. You’re going to get rejected right away. You just don’t have the experience or credentials. But if you have as much potential as you think you do (note: you have to be somewhere within the vicinity of the correct league), keep chipping away, and keep garnering little victories, eventually you’ll probably land that amazing job you’ve dreamed about.
When you finally land that amazing job, you’ll love it. You’ll be starstruck. It’ll be everything you dreamed of. For a while.
Then you’ll realize there are downfalls to everything in life. The grass will always be greener somewhere.
What if I worked fewer hours? I wouldn’t always be so tired.
What if I worked more hours? I wouldn’t always be so bored.
What if I made more money? It’d be great to have some financial padding.
What if I made a little less money? I wouldn’t have to worry about getting robbed 0r people hating me.
My mom always tells me something, though I don’t need her to remind me because it was permanently engraved in my mind the first time she uttered the words: “Life is a series of trade-offs.” No, she’s not being pessimistic. She’s not that type of person.
She’s right! Life will always, always, be a sequence of What ifs…
I promise I’m not off the thrill-of-the-chase train of thought. I just needed to relate it to something so my point makes a little more sense.
If right away I’d said, “hey, seeking girls is like God,” you probably would’ve labeled me as ludicrous (which reminds me of a quality tune about seeking women) than you are right now. But on the real, the two chases are similar. Beyond similar. The thrill of the chase can be related perfectly to our walk with God.
We seek other things — careers, money, (ahem) women — and end up empty. We get them and then wonder: Now what? Isn’t there some sort of new satisfaction and contentment with life? Where is it?
See, those things we chase are the things we aren’t supposed to have. They’re the things we don’t have now, but we’re convinced life would be a million times better if we got them. So we build them up in our minds. We idolize them.
It’s the same way with women. Just like no guy is above the thrill of the chase, no one is above seeking earthly desires. We think about ‘em all the time to the point that they become gods. And every single time, they fall short in some regard. Without fail, they yield disappointment instead of the contentment which we seek.
It’s because we’re chasing the wrong things. If you’re chasing your future wife, then dammit, you won’t be disappointed when she finally agrees to date you.
But if you’re chasing the wrong girl (not even that she’s a bad girl, just that she’s not the right one for you), eventually she won’t feel like the right girl when you get her. She won’t be a god anymore. Hell, she won’t even be appealing.
There is certainly a thrill in chasing women. There’s just no bona fide thrill in gaining something which won’t last forever.
“So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.” — Genesis 29:20