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Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

The thrill of the eternal chase

In Culture, Life, Women on July 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm


Every guy has a Jordan. She was the girl I just couldn’t get. It was impossible. Guys don’t get her.

I was 18. Broke out all the stops. Made myself look like a fool. She resisted. Thought about her 24/7. Wrote her a short book. (Yup, that happened.) All day, every day, all Jordan.

Then I got her. Didn’t want her anymore.

(“Jordan” is a pseudonym — sorry to the countless now-heartbroken Jordan’s.)

The thrill of the chase. All guys know it. All are prone to it.

I was on my back porch talking with Andrew this weekend when we deciphered that his latest relationship was a fitting example of a guy being consumed with the thrill of the chase. He was upset. “I thought I was above that,” he sighed.

I let out a hearty laugh. “No guy is above it.”

So what is it exactly? Well, the thrill of the chase is all about getting a girl who seems unreachable. Maybe she’s out of your league, or too mature, or she doesn’t date. “Nah, man, you can’t get her.”

Challenge accepted.

Here’s a basic explanation.

When a guy sees how hard it is to get a girl (this could be vice-versa as well, but I’ve never exactly been a girl and I don’t see as many examples of girls chasing guys), he must have her. It’s a proven fact that the harder she is to get, the hotter she is. (That’s not really a proven fact.)

He’ll think about her all day. He’ll do the craziest things to get her — buy flowers, hand-write long letters, sing to her.

And then, suddenly, he gets her. It’s kind of shocking. For a little while, it’s awesome. And then, again suddenly, he’s sick of it. There’s no work left to do.

So he drops her until he finds the next girl to chase. The more she rejects, the more he yearns.

Of course, there are rare exceptions. There are times the guy doesn’t actually get sick of the girl and continually works for her affection long after he’s received it. That’s called love, I guess.

Anyway, let’s debunk this whole thing. There’s no sense pretending it doesn’t exist because, really, it does.

It all begins with the desire to be accepted. When you see somebody who you find appealing, you want that person to find you mutually appealing (be this friendship, romance, what have you). You want him/her to respect you.

You work to be respected — it’s like any competitive career. You’re going to get rejected right away. You just don’t have the experience or credentials. But if you have as much potential as you think you do (note: you have to be somewhere within the vicinity of the correct league), keep chipping away, and keep garnering little victories, eventually you’ll probably land that amazing job you’ve dreamed about.

When you finally land that amazing job, you’ll love it. You’ll be starstruck. It’ll be everything you dreamed of. For a while.

Then you’ll realize there are downfalls to everything in life. The grass will always be greener somewhere.

What if I worked fewer hours? I wouldn’t always be so tired.

What if I worked more hours? I wouldn’t always be so bored.

What if I made more money? It’d be great to have some financial padding.

What if I made a little less money? I wouldn’t have to worry about getting robbed 0r people hating me.

My mom always tells me something, though I don’t need her to remind me because it was permanently engraved in my mind the first time she uttered the words: “Life is a series of trade-offs.” No, she’s not being pessimistic. She’s not that type of person.

She’s right! Life will always, always, be a sequence of What ifs… 

I promise I’m not off the thrill-of-the-chase train of thought. I just needed to relate it to something so my point makes a little more sense.

If right away I’d said, “hey, seeking girls is like God,” you probably would’ve labeled me as ludicrous (which reminds me of a quality tune about seeking women) than you are right now. But on the real, the two chases are similar. Beyond similar. The thrill of the chase can be related perfectly to our walk with God.

We seek other things — careers, money, (ahem) women — and end up empty. We get them and then wonder: Now what? Isn’t there some sort of new satisfaction and contentment with life? Where is it? 

See, those things we chase are the things we aren’t supposed to have. They’re the things we don’t have now, but we’re convinced life would be a million times better if we got them. So we build them up in our minds. We idolize them.

It’s the same way with women. Just like no guy is above the thrill of the chase, no one is above seeking earthly desires. We think about ‘em all the time to the point that they become gods. And every single time, they fall short in some regard. Without fail, they yield disappointment instead of the contentment which we seek.

It’s because we’re chasing the wrong things. If you’re chasing your future wife, then dammit, you won’t be disappointed when she finally agrees to date you.

But if you’re chasing the wrong girl (not even that she’s a bad girl, just that she’s not the right one for you), eventually she won’t feel like the right girl when you get her. She won’t be a god anymore. Hell, she won’t even be appealing.

There is certainly a thrill in chasing women. There’s just no bona fide thrill in gaining something which won’t last forever.

“So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.” — Genesis 29:20

Relationship frustration

In Life, Women on May 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I don’t claim to know everything about women; show me a man who makes that claim and I’ll show you a fool. However, a lot of my female friends come to me when they’re having guy problems, so I do know a thing or two.

Well, girls, there’s something that’s been bothering me lately: your taste in men. I know you’re sick of hearing about the friend zone. But every time you start complaining about how your guy treats you, just remember that there are probably several legitimately good guys out there who wanted you – but you said: “nah, I’ll take the tool.” I’m sick of hearing about your boyfriend problems. If the guy’s a jerk (which most of the time he is), leave him! You can do so much better. It’s as simple as that.

Oh, and if your friends are telling you he’s not a good guy, they’re probably right.

Guys, we’re messing up, too. We need to start treating our girlfriends better. If you’re in a relationship with a girl, you should treat her like the most important thing in the world. She should be your number one priority. If you aren’t ready to make that kind of commitment, don’t date her! And for goodness sake, stop manipulating girls. Everything isn’t their fault. You’re lucky to be with her, and a bunch of other guys would kill to be in your position.

Be a gentleman. Treat women right. Make your parents proud.

That’s all.

8 (not so) simple rules…

In Culture, Life, Women on April 13, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Haven’t been on earth for a long time but I have noticed some things:

Uno: Waking up on a Saturday morning with nothing to do that day is one of the best feelings on the planet.

Dos: Conversations with someone where there isn’t an awkward pause in the natural ebb and flow of words except to laugh or ponder is something you should never let go of

Tres: Holding back a fart is really not (read: never) worth it in the end

I have also noticed some “rules” that go into any relationship with the opposite sex. I will admit that I have not always been the best, and I have multitudes of things to work on, but there are certain things a young man should remember when being with a girl:

#1: Listen.

Listen. Actively listen. Listen with the purpose to contribute. For no other reason than to listen. Do it. Seriously. Moving on…

#2: Remember.

Remember the little things. Remember the big things. It shows you care.

#3: Forgive.

She’s not perfect. Moreover, you’re not perfect. Take the time to forgive. Take some time to yourself and remind yourself of why you are here.

#4: Be sincere and honest.

Be who you are. Not what she wants or what she needs but who you are. This might be the hardest because who we are is not the projections of what we want others t0 see. But sincerity can go a long way. Sincerity in all things allows you to see the whole picture. With sincerity comes honesty and with honesty comes truth. Isn’t truth a good foundation for love?

#5: Be a loser.

Don’t be afraid to lose. Don’t be afraid to lose a fight, lose some pride, or lose something you want. Sometimes we think that we just need to stand up this one time, and sometimes you do, but most of the time it’s an excuse to win. To be known as the winner. And all that gets you is a very hollow victory.

#6: Talk.

For some reason, it’s a true measure of masculinity not to talk. As if you really don’t have something on your mind. Talk to her. She should be willing to listen. And talking makes listening a million times easier.

#7: She likes you.

She likes you. Say it with me: “She likes me.” Now say it slowly: “She…likes…me.” Now say it in an English acc…I’m getting off-track. Look, she’s into you. Don’t forget that.

#8: Treat her with respect.

This can manifest itself in many ways. From her mind to her body and everything in between. Treat her with respect even when you disagree and it gets really hard not to.

We all mess this up. In fact, it’s inevitable no matter how hard you try. But one of the measures of a healthy relationship is a desire by both parties involved to work at all of these things.

God Bless.

A.D.A.

Hipster celebrity crushes

In Culture, Women on April 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"Yes, Jennifer Connelly, you do indeed have a beautiful mind."

There are some celebrities all men agree on: Scarlett Johansson, J-Lo, Eva Mendes. That’s the boring list… because whether she’s top 25, top 10, or at the top of your personal list, it’s all pretty much the same for everyone. So I want to dig a little deeper here. Every man has that one celebrity who he likes way more than the average guy does (mine is Jennifer Connelly… if you disagree, go watch A Beautiful Mind and then tell me how you’ve seen the light). I say she’s my hipster celebrity crush – I knew she was spectacularly gorgeous before anyone else did. Who’s yours?

 

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