Oh Fraulein Maria, why can’t every movie I watch be nominated for 10 Academy Awards, be one of the highest-grossing film of all-time, and also a classic? An actress I love, a genre I love, and a plot that I…love. Sigh…
I’m a picky movie watcher. I have had others tell me and I have noticed it myself. I am a picky movie watcher. I don’t know if there is an incredibly deep reason behind it but I am a picky movie watcher.
It’s weird being a picky movie watcher. People will rave about movies that I think are ok. On the other hand, there are movies I love that people don’t care for in the slightest. I feel like some species of a hipster.
*Animal Planet voice-over guy*: Look what we have here, folks. It’s the Picky Movie Watcher, Hipster Cinema Disdainious as biologists call him, in its natural habitat: sitting at its laptop on Rotten Tomatoes. The Picky Movie Watcher is easily distracted by films with rave reviews from critics. Careful though, while the Picky Movie Watcher seems unassuming, most people who stay around it enough come away with the stink of condescension.
And here’s the kicker, I actually like movies people have heard of before. Action movies, comedies, romantic comedies, musicals, sports movies, cartoons, etc. Love love love. I also have actors/actresses/directors that I’ll watch almost anything that they make, including but not limited to (and in no particular order mind you): the Dame Julie Andrews, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds, Carey Mulligan, Emily Blunt, the Dame Judi Dench, Leonardo Dicaprio, Edward Norton, Hugh Laurie, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Bruce Willis, Christopher Walken, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Connelly, Bryan Cranston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Julianne Moore, Anne Hathaway, Natalie Portman, Anna Kendrick, Alfred Hitchcock, Steven Spielberg, Christopher Nolan, Quentin Tarantino, James McAvoy, and Emma Stone. I think that’s as random as that could possibly be. Good.
Moving on…I like stuff that people have heard of. I love the Toy Story franchise, Argo, the Bond franchise, The Artist, The Harry Potter franchise, any movie based on comic books or any book for that matter, any cartoon for the most part, the Star Wars franchise, etc.
I like stuff. And after seeing that list, you might wonder how I am so picky. Well here’s the rub: it has to be right combination of any number of factors such as cast, trailer, writing, characters, setting, etc. If I’m not feeling it, I won’t watch it. And I am typically not feeling a lot of things.
Moreover, I like movies that ask awkward questions. Some can be awkward funny but mostly, they’re awkward serious. Like,
What would happen if you wanted to date someone who is a professional matchmaker?
What would happen if a man who served our country returned home to a family that doesn’t recognize him anymore?
What would happen if you were a guy, with no guy friends, who was trying to make guy friends?
What would happen if we delved into the history of racism in the United States?
What would happen if you were pregnant in high school?
What would happen if you could erase your memory of past relationships?
What would happen if a pilot saved hundreds of lives while he flew a plane drunk and high?
What would happen if two kids decided to run off together because they didn’t like their lives?
What would happen if your life was just a dream and you’ve been refusing to wake up?
What if you could talk to Death and convince him to give you more time?
What if you had been raised by a surrogate father, who turned out to be a psychotic mobster, and you grew up to be a cop?
Those are some awkward questions. And if we’re perfectly honest, no one really knows the answer. Some of these questions are things we have dealt with in our own lives or seen how someone else dealt with them; most are not but some are. We may not know the answers but we know that these questions are real. We agree to sit and view how the director, writers, actors/actresses etc. choose to answer these question.
Now, I’m not saying that I don’t watch popular movies that are just fun to watch and enjoy. I am also not saying that popular movies do not ask awkward questions that leave you with something when you leave the theater. I’m just saying that I typically trend towards movies that try to answer awkward questions because my mind asks awkward questions. I really don’t know any other way to be.
How do you solve a picky person like me? I really don’t know.
An easier question might be, how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?