There is something to be said for living as a human being. We are creatures capable of unspeakable horror and intense compassion. Immense pain and incredible love. The same orifice that conveys empathy holds a biting tongue with sinister intentions.
Maybe here lies why we emphasize guilt. We find “humanity” in our ability to feel bad. to feel…sorry. But chances that we will repeat the same course of action remain remarkably high for such a heartfelt apology.
So this human condition is not a continuous stream of positivity (believe it’s safe to make that assumption). But we can’t just wallow in our innate characteristics. We are able to rise above them. We have to rise above them. We take time out to be selfless. Giving. Faithful.
Which leads to a multitude of questions about the strength of the human condition but one comes to mind now: what about doubt?
Doubt is not random. It is not socialization. Doubt is the natural inclination to consider past actions and events, in conjunction with known facts, stereotypes, and schemas, to convey an opposing message to the overbearing thought process between our ears. An intellectual “checks and balance” if you will.
Sometimes feel like we are told to fight doubt: “Doubt holds you back. Rah rah rah. Buy my motivational tapes.”
We look Doubt in the face and tell it who’s boss. Because Doubt is evil. Doubt is why we never did that thing. Not our personal fear. or trepidation. or lack of faith. or personal flaws. NO. It was Doubt. Doubt did it. That’s why we’re sitting here. Because Doubt made me.
We design these clever schemes. We take this “holier-than-thou” approach. Nothing can get us down. We have it all under control. Because God forbid we messed up. Because we couldn’t possibly take responsibility for our own actions.
Because then we would have to admit that we do not have it under control. That we are taunted by the thoughts that come into our minds. That the fear of being alone…of missing out on dreams…of the future…of…everything is too much to bear. That doubt is constantly in our minds. Because we are so very afraid of admitting to others that we need them. That we need help.
Then again, what if we’re not? What if we are able to see doubt for what it is. Instead of fighting it and hanging on every word in the self-help section, we admit that this life is not easy. That taking time out to actually enjoy that cup of coffee will do more than downing it on the way to something else because your schedule is so packed. We have no time but seem to be able to force-feed every possible second with activity.
What if we took our doubts and wrote them down. Looked at Doubt with Reason, Humility, Conscience, and Hope.
Conscience would say, “Doubt’s right. What if this happens? Are you willing to admit responsibility?”
Humility would whisper, “You are a colossal failure sometimes. But consistently trying to be the best person you can be will yield positive results. Don’t make sure everyone knows just how great you are. Even when you don’t receive recognition.”
Reason would argue, “Doubt can’t be right all the time. Take a step back. Look the whole thing over. Ask for advice from those who know more than you about this situation or the emotions that you are enduring.”
Hope would just nod like, “We got this.”
Then again, we could just keep doing what we’re doing. But the thing is: life is fragile. Much too fragile for us to do it alone. Because sometimes, when you shake that magic 8-ball in your mind, the purple triangle replies, “I doubt it”.
But it’s nice to have someone to say, “I don’t know how you’ll do it, but I got your back.”